Tarot and Faith

For most of my adolescence, I insisted on being agnostic. I even had one of those goofy Urban Outfitters shirts that said, “Everybody loves an agnostic boy.” (I’m not sure whether or not that’s actually true, but it was a fun shirt nonetheless.) At the time, I was struggling to figure out my own identity as I had come out as gay my freshman year of high school, and felt that a lot of the support networks that I had had when I was younger – faith, family, and friends, for example – were not as sturdy and dependable as I had once believed. I reasoned that God couldn’t possibly exist in the form that I was taught as a Catholic, as that God so clearly rejected me and my developing sense of self. I chose not to believe in a God that could hate any of its own creations, and instead opted for a semi-agnostic, quasi-atheistic interpretation of the universe that left me feeling very alone, and feeling very vulnerable.

It wasn’t until I picked up a deck of tarot cards and started reading for the first time that this believe started to change in a surprisingly tangible way. Once I realized that the readings I was performing were not really being directed by any of my own willpower (despite my best efforts as a control freak), and were instead tapping into truths that I couldn’t possibly know about through normal cognition, I knew there had to be something else going on in life. Something that could easily work and move through me without even my knowing it, or necessarily even asking for it. What was more profound was that this “something” was benevolent and honest. It has never lead me astray, and it has only tried to offer helpful insight to people that I’ve used it for, which has caused me intense frustration when others have insisted that what I do as a tarot reader is evil. How could something that is so natural and inherently good be evil?

Perhaps it’s funny that life has caused me to deal with the question of real “evil” with two major developments in my life – both in coming out as gay and as a tarot reader. I think if anything it’s broadened my perspective tremendously, and has forced me to acknowledge that collective fear and the categorization of things as “evil” go very much hand in hand.

This being said, my definition of God has had to change radically as well. I can’t see God in black and white anymore, the way monotheistic religions tend to do. If God is omniscient and omnipresent, how can I possibly say that God is in the flower but not in the dung heap? While this is sort of a crude example, it’s still true and worth learning to recognize daily. God is as much in that which is rejected, disliked, and feared as much as he is in that which everybody loves – this is what Jesus was getting at through the majority of his teachings, and it is an eternal disappointment to see how this teaching is constantly misconstrued and warped by spiritual leaders who should know better (assuming that they are actually deserving of the position they have), allowing them to hoodwink and make stupid through the fashioning of “devils” people who are not intuitive enough to get the bigger picture.

I’m sort of rambling (and raging a little) at this point, but I think the point is this: if I had never learned to read tarot, I may never have been able to develop a real and almost scientific sense of faith. (Scientific in that its experimental results are repeatable.) And if I had never developed that, I can’t imagine where I would be in terms of self-acceptance and self-understanding. But who knows? Maybe I was always being lead to this path by that subconscious Something that seems to always be looking out for me, and all of this was meant to be? I don’t think it matters overly – fate v.s. free will, pretty irrelevant. What does matter is that conviction and true faith are available to everyone. They aren’t as abstract and unattainable as you might think, just because not everyone is a prophet or a saint. “Seek and ye shall find” is true on so many levels, and I only hope that more people come to realize this because embracing this philosophy really does enrich one’s life.

It doesn’t matter what you find, only that you find what you’re looking for.

Live boldly and with courage, because God’s got your back.




  1 comment for “Tarot and Faith

  1. ToddMen8302
    July 16, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    Hey Nick. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen or not, but I’d love to be able to converse with you sometime; possibly over Skype. Mysticism/metaphysics/spirituality/etc. are passions of my life and I’ve always found your perspective fascinating.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *